I feel a huge gaping whole in my heart this morning as tears just flow down my face and find a place to rest on my baby doll’s stubby hair. My head is thumping from reading and crying at the same time and not breathing. Logan comes up to me and noticed my state and he ever so gently takes his little fist and wipes the tears that flow from my eyes. Seriously, if that’s not enough to make me burst out again—then he says “oh Mom” and wraps his little arms around me. I grabbed him tight to tell him how much I love him and that Mom is so happy to have such a sweet little boy as he is. He looks back up at me with this little concerned look and I started to laugh as I blink out more tears.
I felt so bad crying in front of him for fear that he would think something was wrong.
Let me back up a bit…each morning Logan wakes up between 6:30 and 7:00…and each morning it is pretty much the same thing. He comes into our room shouting “MOM!” rudely wakes me from my much needed sleep and immediately starts playing with my hair, eyes, and lips. If I don’t get right out of bed I just find myself getting annoyed with him…so I leap out of bed and ever so fake but in a happy tone say “HEY BUD! Did you have a good sleep?” He says yes and we walk out the bedroom door into the family room, after of course Logan greets Stacey, who is in the bathroom getting ready for work. Then I ask Log to please go get Dad’s lunch box out of the laundry room for me, as I walk passed my computer desk and quickly tap the power button to wake it up as I walk to the kitchen. Log sets the lunch box on the counter and I begin to make Stacey's lunch…3 big water bottles with ice, a meat sandwich, and some goodies to go along. Then I pop a piece of wheat toast into the toaster and break off a banana. Butter the toast, put it on a napkin, set it all out and by that time Stacey is in the kitchen kissing us goodbye. Then its time to prepare breakfast for Logan, scrambled eggs and a piece of toast is what we had this morning…he loves it and so do I. I find myself not munching so much during the days if I concentrate on having actual meals. After breakfast was over I went and freed Boston from her crib. She always greets me with such a big smile and kicking her lefs and flailing her arms! So cute. When I was choosing her clothing for the day I glanced over and saw her little tutu that I had made and decided to try it on for size. I then of course I had to do a mini photo shoot with her wearing it…even though I made it for her 6 mo photo shoot…today was just a test…I’ll need to add more tulle cuz it is minus a few inches around her waist! Chubby lil’ thing! Meanwhile Logan had Spirit, his new fav. movie, in and intently watching it. I fed Boston while watching a bit with him then when she was satisfied laid her down to play while I checked bloglines. Here goes nothing!!! I checked to only find that one blog that I subscribe to had an update…cool I can check it and be done in five…or so I thought. This blog has become one of my favorites…why? Because she is an incredible photographer, a complete stranger (at least in the form of an actual real life acquaintance), and has the most adorable family in the world. So today I opened her blog…to find again some amazingly beautiful and stunning photographs of her kiddo’s. See I have been “viewing” her blog now for a couple of months. To make a long story short today was the first day I actually read the whole post, and also read the comments…I became so confused….and I’ll tell you why in a moment. First a little history… The other day Stacey was viewing some of my blissful blogs list and started asking me questions about the blogs… that would be answered for him if he would just read the post. I was so annoyed. All he does is browes through to look at pictures and such…anyways I laughed at him and told him that the point of blogging is to write about things…not just a photo album. He said he didn’t have the time to read everyones… anyways… to move on… Today when I was getting so confused it dawned on me that I have actually never read through the post to really find out what this woman is all about and that is why I am so confused and taken back by the post and comments left. I started reading through everything… finding something to explain the emotional vibe that I was getting and the sadness that engulfed her last post. It was a poem about how her day had went and how her boys started school today and how “Ava” should have started school today… she thought of nothing else. So “Ava” has been a very dominant part of her blog… lots of adorable photographs of this little “Super Princess”. I searched the blog to find some answers and from a little link off to the right I found it all… here’s where the crying began… The Story Of Ava the Super Princess. (please, go now and come back!)
Are you crying too? Could you imagine? My heart goes out to this Mother and her family...words cant even explain how I feel for her.
Well nap time is over for my kids...my head is thumping still for sheding so many tears throughout the better part of this day... so much for getting caught up on my blogging...maybe tonight. For now-- I just need to say that even though there are sure some hard days being a Mom, I wouldnt have my life any other way. I am so grateful and feel so blessed for my two children. I love you "little bud" & "baby doll" with all the love in the world...XOXOXO